John Laing

Newsletter

OYT South bulletin 21st November 2003

A short play from Ocean Youth Trust South…..

ACT 1 SCENE 1
[A deserted graveyard. Midnight. Sinister organ music. Thunderclap. Forked lightning. The camera pans across the crooked headstones. The lettering glistens red in the moonlight. It dribbles slightly…..]

THE REFIT HOUSE OF HORROR PRESENTS:
NIGHTMARE AT UNIVERSAL MARINA

[Enter screen left: A WOLF. Behind him, his muscled henchman CRAIG, a bosun. Howling. Manic laughter]

CRAIG: What is your fiendish plan, O great Master?

WOLF (fangs dripping blood):  Ha Ha! The plan, my loyal servant, is to lure hundreds of innocent victims to my lair, where I shall torment them by forcing them to refit JOHN LAING!

CRAIG (cowering): But where is your lair, Master?

WOLF (blood-curdling howl): By day, O humble acolyte, I am making my lair at Universal Marina, Crableck Lane, Swanwick, Hants (on the Hamble River). By night, there will be space for all to sleep in the crypt at 19 Lower Swanwick Road, Swanwick.

CRAIG (overawed): But what frightful deeds will you make your victims perform, O Mighty One?

WOLF (casually strangling a passing bat): They will finish de-rigging the boat. They will do a sails inventory. There will be a running rigging check. They will start work on the hull. There will be much whipping to do. There will be jobs for all, skilled and unskilled.

[Enter PHOEBE, screen left, coughing like the undead]

PHOEBE: Oh no, I’ve forgotten my lines! What was I meant to say?

WOLF: You were supposed to ask how to contact my dread domain! And the answer is, call 07771 771864.

CRAIG: How many refit helpers do we need, Master?

WOLF (vampire grin): We need every single person we can get. Alone, we have been decommissioning the boat. On Monday, it will be lifted from the water. We cannot continue without help. We need fresh blood.

PHOEBE: And when do you need these helpers, Master?

WOLF: The work has already begun, and will continue every day, including weekends, until March 18th, except for our Christmas break from December 23rd to January 5th.

[Enter DINGHY BOY, a disembodied voice]

DINGHY BOY: Master, I’m on my way to join you!

WOLF: Very good. You shall escape the punishments intended for mortals who seek to avoid the power of The Refit. But do not delay - hurry up and get here!

[Enter A WALRUS, slithering]

WALRUS: And how will you punish those who do not join The Refit?

CRAIG: We shall grind their bones.
PHOEBE: We shall fill their beds with frogs
DINGHY BOY: We shall haunt their dreams
CRAIG: Their blood shall be turned to ice
WOLF: I shall howl beneath their windows at night!

ALL (in chorus): Come to the Refit! Come to the Refit! Come the Refit!

[Repeat to fade]

TO BE CONTINUED……

 

(Refit bulletins will be sent out regularly over the winter, subject to the team’s ability, exhaustion levels and need for psychoanalysis. If you do not wish to receive refit bulletins, or find them too scary, please let us know and we will remove your name from the list. If you have email addresses for OYT South supporters not currently on the list, please let us know.)

But above all, please come and help!

 



“This has been one of the best experiences of my life and I will never forget it.” Sam, aged 16

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